How to Leave the Life You Love
Packing. Don’t know how long I’ll be gone.
Dog is nervous and so am I. This is us right now:
I don’t ever want to leave this sweet little fuzzy face, but if I have to, I’d prefer to know when I’ll be back.
None of the options right now are great.
Either I go right into surgery for a lumpectomy and have to recover for a few weeks before I come back home and get my car & my pup before radiation, or I have time to come home in a week because it’ll take longer for the surgery to be arranged. Because they’ll be removing and then reconstructing one or both of my boobs. So I get to see the pup sooner, but they’d literally be cutting my boobs off.
Strange to think that I’m definitely having surgery in the near future. I feel fine, just exhausted. None of this makes sense. My brain is an endless loop of questions and it’s not letting me get anything done because I can’t figure out how to even start.
Am I packing for 2 weeks? For snow? For spring? Do I need my rain boots? Do I need to get my tax info together? Will I be back before the renovation? Will other people be packing up my stuff? Do I even have winter clothes anymore? Should I turn the gas off to the stoves & water heaters? Do I need to forward my mail? Can I fit all my shoes in my bag so I can bring my laptop and still work on the plane? Should I change my sheets so they’re not flannel when I come home if it’s hot out? Do I need to go to the office in the middle of the night so I can get my cables & mouse & keyboard while nobody is there so I don’t get emotional? How many scarves do I need for a month? Do I need to bring fancy clothes? Will I ever be leaving the house or the hospital? God, am I going to have to stay overnight in a hospital? I’ve never been admitted. I’ve never had a surgery, and now it’s a certainty. How long after a lumpectomy is it until I can travel? How long after any surgery does radiation start? What about chemo? I really don’t want chemo. I pay too much for my haircolor to lose my hair. I need to bring a hat. I’m going to need a new hat...and a new leather jacket come to think of it. Damnit is my winter coat still in the attic? When do I have to wake up for the airport? Am I going to the office first? Can I wear my pajamas to the office in the middle of the night? Could I also wear my slippers to the office at 1am and get away with it? Is that weird? How many kinds of slippers do I need to pack? Do I have long sleeved pajamas other than my Doctor Who footie pajamas? I just want to get in my pajamas and cuddle with my pup.
Maybe I’ll just go to sleep and wake up early to do it all. Procrastination seems to work...for now.